The only thing I can think to say today is: I am tired of secrets.
I am done holding these things captive. These things that hurt me. Memories burned into my body. Haunting images that billow in like mist while I sleep. Strange experiences on and within my body that shame has kept quiet. Voices in my head that say such horrible things that I must shout at the top of my lungs in my car just to silence them. The only thing that helps these days is sitting among thousands of people singing so loudly to a band that plays their songs so fervently, in a room where the acoustics are so clear and the speakers are so close to my ears that even for only an hour and and fifteen minutes, I can finally hear nothing else. As an intelligent and capable woman, I am done feeling powerless over this. I am so over being limited by this. I am finished with the embarrassment. I will not be brainwashed into restraining myself anymore. I am exhausted and pissed off. I will learn to annihilate these patterns. Some day I will believe that I am worthy of all that is good in this world. I must believe that I deserve to have complete faith in myself and in those that mean the most to me. I deserve to believe. I deserve to believe. I can believe. I will believe.
I am done holding these things captive. These things that hurt me. Memories burned into my body. Haunting images that billow in like mist while I sleep. Strange experiences on and within my body that shame has kept quiet. Voices in my head that say such horrible things that I must shout at the top of my lungs in my car just to silence them. The only thing that helps these days is sitting among thousands of people singing so loudly to a band that plays their songs so fervently, in a room where the acoustics are so clear and the speakers are so close to my ears that even for only an hour and and fifteen minutes, I can finally hear nothing else. As an intelligent and capable woman, I am done feeling powerless over this. I am so over being limited by this. I am finished with the embarrassment. I will not be brainwashed into restraining myself anymore. I am exhausted and pissed off. I will learn to annihilate these patterns. Some day I will believe that I am worthy of all that is good in this world. I must believe that I deserve to have complete faith in myself and in those that mean the most to me. I deserve to believe. I deserve to believe. I can believe. I will believe. 
